Min read

How can managers look after their own mental health?

Written By

Nausheen Eusuf

Bridie Slater | Head of Talent Acquisition at Oliva

The pressure of the pandemic has caused many people to struggle in the past couple of years—both personally and professionally. As a result, companies have started to pay more attention to employee mental health and workplace wellbeing.

It’s encouraging to see. But what about managers?

Managing people is stressful even under normal conditions. Throw in a pandemic, with managers on the front lines of supporting their teams through various crises, and it’s just a matter of time until they completely burn out. And if managers suffer mental health consequences, it can also have a negative impact on their teams.‍

Bridie Slater, who recently joined us as Head of Talent Acquisition at Oliva, can relate. She started her first manager position right before the pandemic hit—and has lived to tell the tale. We caught up with Bridie to learn about the unique challenges managers face with mental health, and how companies can better support them.

Which parts of a manager’s job most impact their mental health?

Definitely 1-to-1s. As a people manager you get to really know and care about your team, so when they bring you their problems it can really affect you. You want to help them as much as you can. But sometimes it’s a family situation or a personal issue, and there’s really nothing you can do to fix it.

For example, I had a team member open up about a family member being very ill, but they couldn’t travel back to their home country due to the pandemic. It really threw me because, first, I felt guilty for not having known or noticed the signs. And second, I struggled with the total lack of control—not being able to do anything to change the situation or make it better.

I remember feeling completely helpless and staying awake at night trying to think of a solution, even though it was a dead-end scenario. When you take that weight on yourself, it can really impact your mental health.

“It’s easy to fall into thinking that your team member is in a much worse situation, so your own needs are minor in comparison.”

<quote-author>Bridie Slater<quote-author><quote-company>Head of Talent Acquisition at Oliva<quote-company>

I also struggled with feeling like I had to keep this to myself. Obviously, you have to respect someone’s privacy. But if you haven’t faced that particular situation before, you also need to find out how to deal with it somehow and release stress by talking to others. Sometimes to help that person in the right way, you have to talk to someone.

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How can managers protect their own mental health in tough situations?

I’ve learned that it’s better to lead with vulnerability. It lessens the burden on me, because people can see that I’m human too. Being more open myself empowered my team to be more vulnerable with each other, so we could support each other collectively instead of relying on me as the manager.

It can be easy to focus on objectives or OKRs instead of opening the floor for more personal conversations. And it can feel super cringey when you start doing team sessions that are just focused on vulnerability.

But while it might feel a bit forced at first, it really helps in the long run. Talking about personal stuff becomes more natural, and people start to lean on each other. It made me realise that I wasn’t quite as poker-faced as I thought, and people already understood that things were taking a toll on me. Especially with remote work, it’s important to know there’s someone on the other end of a video call who’s willing to listen.

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It’s also really important to find a mentor or coach who is external to the team or the company. When I was facing that tough situation with a team member, I went to a trusted ex-manager of mine who was able to provide an objective perspective and much needed support.

It’s easy to fall into thinking that your team member is in a much worse situation, so your own needs are minor in comparison. But in fact, I really needed to address my own mental health at the time. And if I didn’t seek support, I wouldn’t be doing my best for that person either.

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Employee mental health is starting to get wider recognition. Why is manager mental health still overlooked?

As a manager, you’re in a unique position because multiple people are coming to you with a range of problems or situations. You end up comparing yourself with what’s around you and thinking, ‘My situation right now is nowhere near as bad as theirs. Who am I to ask for help? I should just focus on helping them.’

So when you start to struggle with your own mental health, you have this feeling of ‘I’m not enough.’ Having to ask your peers or more senior folks for help feels like failing—or at least, that’s how I felt at times. As a manager, you want to be able to solve it on your own.

But you can’t live your life or be a great manager by comparing yourself with others and neglecting your own needs until you’re on the edge. For me, that’s what happened. It was only after I fully burned out that I looked for support. That definitely didn’t do me or my team any good.

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Should organisations be more proactive at supporting managers mental health?

Yes, definitely.

If someone voices concerns—whether it’s anxiety, or impostor syndrome, or whatever—it’s not enough to just ask what they need. Because if they haven’t been through it before, they may not even know what they need. They might just say ‘I don’t know, I’m fine.’ And then it gets worse. So one thing companies can do is provide information, toolkits, and networks for people to learn from each other.

You also need training and education around how to deal with complex situations. This can make you more effective at handling them, while also reducing the impact they have on you personally.
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“Being vulnerable myself empowered my team to be more open with each other—so we could all support each other, instead of relying on me as the manager.”

<quote-author>Bridie Slater<quote-author><quote-company>Head of Talent Acquisition at Oliva<quote-company>

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Companies can provide access to coaches, workshops, or check-in sessions with people outside of the company. For me, that external mentor I had was a real lifeline in reducing the pressure I felt, and reminding me to take care of my own mental health.

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What unique challenges do new managers face—and how can companies support them better?

When you’re new in any role, you want to prove yourself. So you’re less inclined to ask for help because it might feel like a sign of failure. You might want to go to the ends of the earth to solve any problem that comes your way, which also adds to the pressure, workload, and stress.

But as a new manager, you’re also suddenly learning a completely different set of skills in a dynamic and fast-paced environment. And when dealing with humans, there are so many unpredictable and stressful situations that might come up.

If someone is managing a team for the first time, companies need to provide education, training, and ongoing support. Plan for problems to come up, and pair new managers with experienced ones outside their own team, so they have a buddy system for support during the first few months or years.

Creating these networks helps new managers to meet other people, share their experiences, and figure out how to cope with the stress of being a people manager.

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What advice would you give to managers struggling with their mental health?

Be more vulnerable with your team and lead by example. Take more rest. Ask for help. By doing these things, you’ll encourage your team to do the same. And you’ll create a team that feels comfortable and confident with not feeling okay.

The pressure of the pandemic has caused many people to struggle in the past couple of years—both personally and professionally. As a result, companies have started to pay more attention to employee mental health and workplace wellbeing.

It’s encouraging to see. But what about managers?

Which parts of a manager’s job most impact their mental health?

How can managers protect their own mental health in tough situations?

Get proper mental healthcare for your whole team

Get proper mental healthcare for your whole team

Employee mental health is starting to get wider recognition. Why is manager mental health still overlooked?

Should organisations be more proactive at supporting managers mental health?

What unique challenges do new managers face—and how can companies support them better?

What advice would you give to managers struggling with their mental health?

by Oliva therapist