“I’m proud to be gay, but it doesn’t define who I am” - Ray Slater Berry | DSLX
Ray Slater Berry is a writer and marketing professional. He is the director and founder of DSLX, a B2B SaaS content agency on a mission to empower dyslexic and minority writers.
It was a bottle of ketchup that prompted me to come out at work!
I had just started working as a content and social media manager at a bartending school in Barcelona. I thought I was presenting as gay, but perhaps it didn’t come across as obvious as I’d thought. A girl in the office started flirting with me, although I didn’t realise it right away.
One day, I brought up that I really missed Heinz ketchup from home. The next day I opened the fridge and there was a bottle of Heinz ketchup with my name on it. I had to say something.
But, I also worried about presuming my colleague was flirting with me. I thought, maybe they were just being friendly? I didn’t want to offend anyone. It’s a weird game to play—you don’t want to presume anyone’s interested in you, but you also don’t want to feel like you’re lying or misleading people.
I was dating someone at the time. So, at lunchtime, when several colleagues were around, I casually mentioned that he and I would be meeting up after work.
"I could see in their eyes that moment of realisation when it clicked."
<quote-author>Ray Slater Berry<quote-author><quote-company>Director at DSLX<quote-company>
Most of the time, it’s no big deal. But you can see how someone’s perception of you changes, and they act just slightly differently around you. In my experience, girls warm up and guys tend to cool off a little.
The bar school was the first job where I felt comfortable coming out. Before that, I worked in London, but I was still in the process of discovering my sexuality and becoming comfortable in my own skin. I wasn’t in the right headspace to come out then.
Moving to Barcelona helped: it was a new city and I could be this new version of myself from day one. I felt free to live my truest, most authentic self. I no longer had to feel like I had been lying to people.
After coming out, I became closer to my female colleagues because I felt more comfortable with them. On the other hand, the leadership at that company was six very ‘macho’ guys. They were all awesome one-on-one, but when they were together it could sometimes be an overwhelming amount of masculine energy.
Jumping forward to today, I lead with my sexuality. It’s obvious on all my social media profiles. If people do their research, they’ll probably know pretty fast.
Advice for other people struggling to navigate coming out at work:
One thing I’ve struggled with is worrying about my sexuality defining who I am. But leading with being gay and letting it define you are two different things.
My advice: don’t be afraid that coming out at work means you’ll be known as the gay person in the office. You’re going to be known for who you are—your talents, passions, skills, and personality. Being gay is an aside that just lifts you up a bit more. If you do your job well, that’s what you’ll be known for.
Advice for companies that want to make it easier for LGBTQ+ employees to come out:
Don’t try to adopt the language of gay culture. During Pride month, some companies suddenly start talking like they’re on Drag Race. It’s not authentic and people see right through it.
Instead, build a culture of sensitivity and empathy so that anyone, from any minority group, feels safe to be themselves. Use thoughtful and inclusive language—but don’t appropriate the language of the culture you’re trying to include.
If you’ve done your job well, and your space is safe, you’ll see it in your talent acquisition, retention, and overall happiness of your employees.
“I was so happy I stopped caring what anyone thought” - Cynthia Benitez | Global M
Cynthia Benitez is an HR professional who has worked in multinational companies and startups in Argentina and Spain. She focuses on talent, diversity & inclusion, and employer branding.
Six years ago, I came out to my family, friends, and colleagues—all at once.
I was 27 at the time, living in Argentina and working for a multinational at their corporate office. It was a very traditional environment. I was the first one to come out, even though I wasn’t the only gay person there.
I’d been interviewing internally for an HR role in the factory office, but realised I wouldn’t feel safe. I’d worked there before and I knew that sexist and homophobic jokes were normalised. In fact, I used to laugh along with them—even though I’d feel terrible afterwards. It made it hard to accept myself. I tried hard to be a ‘normal’ person, and was even in a straight relationship.
It took years of therapy and a lot of tears to accept myself and not care what anyone else thinks. I came out to my therapist, my mother, my friends, and then my manager at work. I was so happy that I just wanted to tell everyone. I felt lighter, like a weight had been lifted off my chest.
My manager was really surprised—I’d actually just gotten married to a man a few months before. But she was very supportive. My previous manager was very traditional and religious. If he was still there, I don’t know if I’d feel comfortable telling him.
News travels fast and I got mixed reactions from my colleagues.
